Saturday
Drunk about lotto
Some drinker I turned out to be. Last night I had just one bottle of wine, spread over the night whilst watching the big brother final. What a result, although im devestated Pete didnt win. Today I feel like the living dead. What does a drinker do when they loose their super booze handeling powers. Take up drugs I guess. Been there done that, unfortunatly the come downs make even the worst of hangovers feel like a day at the spa. I may have to venture into the seedy addictive world of gardening, for me theres something quite sadistic about getting your kicks from something so natural and easily available(that explains my oversion to the old- what must be going through their heads when planting a fuschia give the same satisfatcion as creaming your pants) Theres online poker, love it, but theres too many ups and downs. Sex addiction is a possibility, however my genes state that no matter how much work I have done (only a little so far, but a little more planned) I will not be attractive to the same sex. In the gay world gay clones rule the roost (you know the type- tall dark chisled or blond tanned and muscle) and im far from a gay clone - im the genetic experiment which failed and was put down to experience. The only thing in my favour is that I was given a big.... pair of feet, and you know what they say about big feet(its true - they do look good in gucci loafers). That only leaves shopping, and I can tell you, theres nothing so satisfiying as spunking a weeks wages (which you cant afford) on a shirt youll only wear once.One more thing, despite buying over 20 tickets (a conservative guess) I failed to win the £100,000,000 euro lotto jackpot. Next weeks jackpot is £125m, with that ammount of money I could finally forsake this middleclass shithole town I call home, and live it up in the sun. I made a conscious descision that with my winnings Im going to become a full time poker tournament player. Think about it there are games played in the mosst glamourous places in the world on a very frequent basis- I would have an excuse to travel the world doing something I love.
On that note myst go call my broker, cash in my shares and buy more lotto tickets. Hasta lluego putas.
Posted by Edd at 28.1.06
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Sunday
Gnarles Barkley - Crazy
A message to Dangermouse about Gnarles Barkley - CrazyIt is very rare for a record to stop me in my tracks. Two weeks ago I was in my kitchen listening to the radio waiting for the kettle to boil, and it happened. For 3 minutes I was mesmerised, taken from my world, all I could feel was the music. Every last part of my body and soul was under a spell.
30 minutes ago I tracked down a copy, I cant stop playing it. This is the first song in a very long time which has evoked such emotion, it is perfection.
Every time I play it, Im taken to a dark,sultry and beautiful place, and for that I thankyou.
Posted by Edd at 15.1.06
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Saturday
The less you need
Ive been longing to put fingers to plastic.Having watched "Eating Out" (check google it aint no porno) I needed to vent some hot air. Trashy, shiny, glossy with little depth and poor humor with a fitted as standard Hollywood happy ending. Watch it only for the eye candy. One thing though, I can associate with the character "Kyle" except in the film which is my life I don't get the guy, or the Hollywood ending.
If any one reads my blog I do apologize (and not just for the spelling and poor use of language). This is my therapy. I used to play music, then paint, now I blog. Not quite as productive, I agree, but just as soothing to the soul.
Ok now for the bitterness. Feel good films like the one above, make me feel like fucking shit. They seem to have a way of altering my perception. Almost bending the light around my positive aspects directly into my negative. What's frustrating for me is lack of control. I control almost every aspect of my life, making my own decision, success and failures. The one thing I crave, the one thing that's missing is the onething I cant have. The way economists predict the future is by analyzing the past. In my past the only times in my I have been truly happy, is when there's been a man in my life. Yet each time Im either not wanted, or I throw it all away. Mr T (not from the Ateam) is a prime example he loved me- I could have loved him yet my fear of happiness made me end it. Its a circuit I need to break.
About 2 Years ago or so, I wasn't the person typing here tonight. I smiled, even if I did cover my mouth (bad teeth as a child). My eyes had a twinkle, I was cheeky and positive. I had a great outlook with everything planned out. I was going to make shit loads of money-drive an SLK- meet the perfect man- move to Spain and live happily ever after. Maybe I was naive. Ok the money will happen, I will have my SLK, and Ill probably live in Spain, but at the ripe age of 21 I feel deflated almost empty. Things which used to excite me, don't. Thoughts that used to arouse -hope, don't. I feel my passion has run out of steam. A smile across a room could evoke happy thoughts, now it starts paranoia. Even my passion for all things fabulous has shrunk, no longer can a piece of Gucci fill me with such guilty, sinful pleasure.
Some say its SAD (seasonal affective disorder) I say what the fuck have I become. At present I feel like my whole life is ahead of me but theres no point. Maybe I peaked too early, I have done things others can only dream of, seen places most people could never see, experience things I never though existed and spent more than many will ever have. The only thing Ive never had is some one to really share it all with. What makes it interesting is I have email,internet,fax,mobile phone, and 3 land phones. In my life Ive never been more contactable, yet Ive never felt more alone.
In a world of mass media and communication are we all losing toutch?
I think my conclusion is that the more you have , the more you want, but the less you need.
Posted by Edd at 14.1.06
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Tuesday
What eyes do you have?
TIGER EYES
You have Tiger Eyes (like
my username, haha)!
Positive Traits:
Determined, Passionate, Loyal, Strong,
Courageous
Negative Traits:
Aggressive, Ambitious, Domineering, Possessive,
Vengeful
Your eyes are the windows to your soul. What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla
Posted by Edd at 10.1.06
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Wednesday
Poker Fun
Help!!
I cant stop logging onto Victor Chandler Poker.
One day thiss will be me....(thankyou very much. NOT the old ginger bird)
To be fair, if i just saved my poker money I could probably match his stack one day soon. But wheres the fun in that.
Posted by Edd at 4.1.06
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Tuesday
My Package
Ok first things first. For all of you with a one track mind- nothing extra curricular will be discussed.Today was a depressing day. I got a call from security this morning informing me that my package has arrived. (I knever knew it had gone anywhere, not that theres anyone to miss it at the moment). Unfortunaltly it wasnt a crate of bolly, sextoys or a selection of clothes especially made by and sent from Donatella Versace. It was my 6 montly delivery of text books. What I hate most about this day (according to the tabloids- this day is THE most depressing day of the year- believe me im not disagreeing) is it signals my life is over for another 6months. It is the beginning of long days at college,evenings distrupted and weekends spend infront of books. Dont get me wrong Im not complaining, just moaning. I chose this course, no one asked me to do it,and no one cares if I pass of fail. If it was less consuming and challenging the future rewards would not be as great.
I know full well what I am capable of and as a result I do not require personal satisfaction. This course for me is not about passing and pride. It is about 6figures plus. That is my motivation, my cause, and will probably end up being my curse. Fuck it- Im a material boy in a material world and if I wanna spend it (god- how I can spend it) Ive got to earn it.
6 more deliverys days to go.
Posted by Edd at 3.1.06
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Monday
N/Y
Hello and welcome to 2006. Ive decided this year im not going to look back, Im only looking forwardFor me this year I have a huge descision to make. Which will alter the course of my life.
Three years ago I began my accountancy studying. At that time I said one I reached part qualified I would up sticks and return to spain and finish the last 3 years of my studies in Gib. Im now 4 months off part qualified. What to do? Im just starting to find my feet in my new job, which pays me relatively well and if i leave now Ill be starting at the bottom of a company once again, with a lower salary. However if I stay I have to commit to 3-4more years of England, more specifically Harrogate. Between you and me I dont know If im upto the challenge of Harrogate survival, each year I stay I loose more friends (moving away) This year one of my very good friends is leaving, and although weve grown appart this last year I will miss him greatly.
The think with me is I take everything for granted. White is white,black is black and dolce is said before gabanna. I know once a week M&S will deliver my food, my bills will be paid for. I have access to just about everything I want/need. And even though I dont regard my self as a good person for some reason unknown to me my friends are always there in the background. But as each friendship comes to the end of its course I realise that Im not unfailable, I have weaknesses and cracks in my character, one day the money may all be gone and the food deliverys would stop and the bills pile up. That is why this year is important for me. It is going to be a defining year. A time I will hopefully look back upon and smile, knowing I made the right descisions, valued the people in my life and became a better person.
My resolution this year is to appreciate the good in my life and not focus on the bad.