Thursday

Happy New Year

I'm in Germany Guys, counting down to NYE , where my brother and I will be amongst 30,000 other clubbers at Sensation White, in Dusseldorf, Germany.

Ill see you in a week or so, have a fantastic New Year and don't do anything I wouldn't do (so basically just avoid man made fabrics)

Labels: Clubbing, Dusseldorf, Germany, Sensation white

Posted by Edd at 27.12.07

Sunday

Fuck Christmas

Ill be honest, I posted this very entry last Christmas, but nothings happened this year to change my bitter ways, quite the opposite in fact, and lets face it were all being encouraged to recycle more. So enjoy.

Fuck Christmas

Tis the season for giving to yourself and receiving from others.

I swear when it comes to festive shopping I am the most ruthlessly selfish and greedy shopper I know, I spend literally about $3 on presents for my entire family, and then proceed to spend on me me me like the future of civilisation depends on it.

Moving on, there are so many things I don't quite understand about the festive season.

Mariah Carey.

I hate the crazy bitch at the best of times, but at Christmas I actually want to take a hit out on her. Now don't get me wrong, as a gay man I love that song, its practically a prerequisite for homosexuality, but do we really need to hear it played on repeat in every fucking shop and bar across the land.

Bad Parental Judgement.

Parents actively encourage, sometimes even pay for old men with suspicious beards to molest their children, they even queue up for the privilege.

Presents from my Grandparents.

Every year I get literally a sackful of presents from each of my grandparents, and when I say presents I mean crap. It disappoints me that 80 years of life has not taught them the virtue of quality over quantity.

Each year I am always shocked by the tackiness of their numerous gifts. Its like my Gran got pissed and went on a trolley dash through poundstretcher.

Santa Porn.

Searching google for festive picture for this post I was both amazed and disturbed by the amount of Santa Porn available, I actually had a difficult time finding a picture clean enough to post.

What is it about Santa, this jolly old man who takes great pleasure in emptying his sack for the kids. I can only assume that Santa porn is for people who were either a) abused as a child by Santa, or b) wish they had been. Either way its pretty fucking sick, needless to say it doesnt jingle my bell.

Christmas TV.

Don't even get me started on this. Do television executives assume were all to busy binge drinking to watch decent TV. Or that were all so drunk we wont realise that the Christmas TV schedule has not changed for 20years.

Gluttony.

I don't understand why this supposedly religious holiday has become the poster child for high cholesterol. I hate it when people say things like "go on, have another, it Christmas", suggesting that if I don't stuff my face and spend then entire month of December actively seeking love handles then I am some how un-festive

The fact is, my body is a temple (of doom). It has taken years of hard drinking and chain smoking to get this thin, I'm not about to throw all that away by eating for Christmas'' sake.

This is slightly hypocritical given what ive just said, however I do approve of Christmas binge drinking after all I drink therefore I am. Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without hangovers, liver failure and the onset of alcoholism.

All I want for Christmas is.........

Labels: Christmas

Posted by Edd at 23.12.07

Santa Delivers 37,000+ Copies of Constitution to Bush

December 20, 2007, Washington, DC - This morning, Santa Claus (in the person of noted constitutional lawyer Bill Goodman) drove his sleigh to the White House to deliver thousands of copies of the U.S. Constitution to President Bush.

Americans from all over the country - more than 37,000 of them - asked that a copy of the Constitution be delivered to the President in their name and cordially requested that he make time in his busy schedule to read it.

"While I was going over the list of who's been naughty and nice," Mr. Claus said, as he prepared for his visit to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, "I heard from many people who feel the President hasn't been doing a very good job of upholding his oath to 'preserve, protect and defend' the Constitution."

Responding to an urgent request from the Center for Constitutional Rights, Claus stepped in to bring messages from Americans who felt the President might need a refresher course in the Constitution. Citizens want to remind President Bush that the Constitution forbids torture and spying on Americans without a warrant, requires that prisoners get a fair hearing of the charges against them before a real court and makes the government's treaty obligations, such the Geneva Conventions, the law of the land.

"These Constitutions will make great holiday reading," Claus continued. "I want to be sure that the President has plenty of time to look at them before he decides on his New Year's resolutions."

Source

Posted by Edd at 23.12.07

Thursday

Michael Jackson - Less Than Thrilled.

Everybody who worked on this Album should be ashamed of them selves, especially Fergie for being a talentless bitch. I know its rude, but its from the heart.

I have to at this point warn you about Billie Jean, which is as far as Im concerned one of the best songs ever made. That was until Kanye West (or as I like to call him the Musical Rosemary West) brutally butchered one of the best rifts in musics and indeed Michaels' colourful history. Has this man no shame. You wouldn't graffiti all over Monet's Water Lillies to bring it up to date so why on earth was he allowed anywhere near this song. This is musical murder in the first degree. Death penalty anyone.

And as for Akons take on "Wanna be Startin Something", all I have to say on this matter is that this bitches mother should have had an abortion. Period.

Labels: Crap, Michael Jackson